Foreigners Are Ruining America (Satirical Essay)

A Modest Proposal
“A way to rid ourselves of foreigners”
This essay was written by, Sanel, a foreigner living in America for 8 years.
The following “American Speaker” is based on Sanel’s personal view on Americans,
and his personal belief on how Americans view foreigners.
Foreigners are ruining our country. They take up our space, buy our houses, attend our schools, and drive on our already busy roads. They are different from us and do things we aren’t used to. They speak differently, act differently, and even dress differently. We don’t need this. Our country is too separated as it is. We need to stick together as Americans and relieve ourselves of these unnecessary people. Therefore, I have come up with a plan that will rid us of all these grievances.
The reasons for my plan are simple. We real Americans deserve to live here, they don’t. We were all born here; we didn’t just pack our bags and cross the ocean to get here. None of us did. My family and ancestors have all been born here, so I have the right to be here as well. However, these foreigners who are coming from half way across the world shouldn’t be allowed to be here. Even so, Hundreds of thousands are coming in each year. I mean, what are we? A country that accepts every kind of person seeking freedom no matter their race, gender, or origin? No! You have to be lucky like me and my ancestors to have been born here!
I am a proud American. I am proud of all our traditions and ways. I am proud of our own English language, which our ancestors came up with ages ago here in this country. I am even proud of our OWN unique American Food. Anything from FRENCH fries, and ITALIAN pizza to ASIAN food, and GERMAN beer. Of course, Foreigners have their own food too, but ours is truly American. So, once foreigners exist here no longer, we will be able to once again enjoy what is ours. Our kids can proudly say “We live in a foreigner-free America!” They will know that we didn’t ever need foreigners, nor do we...